keeping positive

I feel you try to put yourself around positive people, people who are doing what you are doing and they can punch you down so hard you don't want to get up. Last night i ate my anger away. I ate raisins, I ate raisins with yogurt, I ate nuts and I couldn't stop. Felt like someone eating a bag of chips until they were all gone. Then, in the middle of the night I felt like my blood pressure was to the roof. I got up this morning and had to drink and drink and drink to feel better.. now I have to eat something. I'm wondering if I'm starting to feel angry again...or is it... I just want to succeed in kettlebells. I want to make a change and I just can't find my way out. Selling all videos I have to have money for the kettlebell videos and classes I need to take. Plus books and other gear. I feel like, If I'm in school to learn something I need to have the right supplies. I can't blog at work as that piece of crap computer they have in the phlebo room is ancient.